You're my little dorito
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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