Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
