nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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