There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
