His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
