i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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