Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
