Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
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