I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
