Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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