My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
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