You made me cry and you don't even care
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
