Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
