singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
