i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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