When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
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