____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
