You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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