Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
The air was thick with penises
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
