I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
