FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize