It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
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