Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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