Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
