Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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