When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Randomize
