did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize
