Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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