What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
