dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
