OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
