Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
is it fun? or sober?
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
