just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
