Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
