Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
vagina is talking i cant
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize