now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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