they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
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