I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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