You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
