I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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