You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize