he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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