just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
