I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
