I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Everything about him screamed your future.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
