zippers are such a cool invention
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Randomize
