please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
