rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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