I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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