.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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