One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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