Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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