the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
