I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
