You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
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