Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(321): View more from Florida Space Coast

my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high

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(216): View more from Ohio

fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.

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(303): View more from Colorado

Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished

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(904): View more from Florida

Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.

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(405): View more from Oklahoma

She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.

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(443): View more from Maryland

yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism

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(727): View more from Florida

I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish

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(416): View more from Toronto

Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.

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(832): View more from Houston, Texas

I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.

(832): View more from Houston, Texas

Oh shit oh shit oh shit.

(713): View more from Texas

BURN THE PHONE.

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