So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
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