I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize