At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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