Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
