We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
