When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
