Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
