it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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