Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
