He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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