I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
