So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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